Don't take yourself too seriously! Taking yourself seriously is the most important skill in life. Why people don't take themselves seriously.

What men want and how to give it to them Yulia Shchedrova

Option 2 Don't take yourself too seriously!

Option 2

Don't take yourself too seriously!

I’m sorry,” the city hall employee tells the bride, “but I cannot issue you a marriage certificate until you indicate your age in the document.”

The poor woman answers almost in tears:

Look, if my fiancé isn't interested in it, why should you be?

You know exactly what you want from life. You have a clear list of requirements for yourself and your chosen one. You know that you have to get married within six months, so you are not going to waste time on anything unnecessary... Wait, don’t you think that you are too serious?

Perhaps you think that happiness in your personal life can be achieved in the same way as the planned increase in annual profit - by methodically following a pre-developed strategy. But - unfortunately or fortunately - the search for love is more like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands: the more you struggle, the further you are from success. Men are somewhat like fish - they are afraid of excessive activity and seriousness, so your direct and specific approach to the matter may alarm them.

Story No. 1

Vladimir really liked Nadezhda - a well-groomed, stately woman of 40 years old. For some time he hesitated and was nervous, but in the end he finally decided to invite her to the restaurant. However, a surprise awaited him. As soon as the waiter accepted the order, Nadezhda nervously tapped her fingers on the table and said: “Vladimir, don’t get me wrong, but... I’m already forty years old, and I want to start a family. I don't have time to beat around the bush. If you have other intentions, let’s break up right now.” The man was speechless. Yes, he had the most serious intentions towards Nadezhda, but such directness struck him unpleasantly, and he decided that he was too hasty with his feelings. The relationship ended before it even began.

Perhaps you are taking your search for a husband too seriously and are scaring off your potential suitors. Think about it, are you too demanding of yourself and others?

Test

I suggest you check whether you are going too far with your serious attitude towards marriage and life in general. Take a short test. Mark the questions to which you answer “yes”.

1. I don't like laughing in public - it's stupid and undignified.

2. I prefer formal clothes in muted colors.

3. I don't like to change my plans. Discipline is essential to achieve your goals on time.

4. I have to get married within six months.

5. I know exactly what my chosen one should be like. If a man does not meet my requirements, he must either change or get out of my way.

6. I will not waste time on a person about whom I cannot say with 100% certainty that he is suitable for the role of my husband.

7. If I win the jackpot, I will invest 30% of the funds in the Pension Fund, and 70% in the shares of the most stable banks to provide college education for my future children.

How many times have you answered yes? Keep in mind that every positive answer brings you closer to the diagnosis “I’m Too Serious About Myself.”

To attract a man, you need to pretend that you are not striving for this at all. Of course, if you have the opportunity to meet interesting person- don't miss her. But there is no need to immediately declare serious intentions. And then a man will tell you about them - with a marriage proposal!

This text is an introductory fragment.

We don't mean to say that if you happen to be in a bad mood, there's something wrong with you. After all, you are human, and people get into trouble from time to time. In addition, by following our advice, you often expose yourself to some risk, and sometimes this risk is not justified.

But what you have to watch out for is constant worry and self-deprecation. If you feel that a quiet inner voice is constantly interrogating you, beware. Are you doing everything “as it should”, isn’t it better to follow the advice from the book in a different order, and shouldn’t you have plastic surgery and then start all over again? This is not a reason for suffering and self-doubt. Treat yourself easier.

If you worry too much about what you're doing, how you're doing it, and whether it will do any good, there's a chance that you're taking yourself too seriously. Perhaps you think this is the way it should be. Maybe you think that your seriousness is justified and that it suits you. If so, would you mind taking a couple of minutes for this simple test?

Checking to see if you're too serious

Please indicate whether you agree or disagree with each item:

I can't stand my own laughter: it makes me look undignified.

I don't go to the beach because I'm embarrassed about how I look in a swimsuit.

I will never ask anyone out until I know for sure that I can marry this person.
Not really

I don't like to change my plans or decide anything at the last minute because I try to be a disciplined person and lead an orderly life.

If I win $500,000 in the lottery, I'll pay off all my debts and credit cards, open a personal retirement account, make a few charitable contributions, and then put every last penny I have left into savings funds so my unborn children can go to college. college.

Every answer that even remotely resembles an affirmative one leads you further into the direction of Taking Yourself Too Seriously. Those who agreed with most of the above statements must be familiar or even accustomed to the following reasoning:

“I am a forty-year-old woman and I want to have a family. I can't waste my time."

“My former girlfriend put me through a meat grinder, so next time I’ll try to choose my friends more carefully.”

“I work two jobs - I don’t have time to beat around the bush. If we don’t get along right now, we’ll have to forget about this person.”

These and similar statements are not uncommon these days. They contain a great degree of despair and anger. Perhaps you had something to despair and become angry about; this happens to many. But think about it for a moment.

Remember the times when your closeness with your loved one made you so damn confident that you had no problem communicating with different people, - people with whom, under other circumstances, you could have developed a more than platonic relationship. Almost everyone has experienced this.

Do you know why? Yes, because when you radiate contentment with yourself, others like it too. It's interesting to talk to you. Your gait becomes free and relaxed. You become a confident, balanced, easy-to-communicate person.

On the other hand, if you spread an atmosphere of hostility and despair around you, you will not be a pleasant person to be around. Often you interfere with the natural flow of things. You scare people away from you - including those who also want to start a family or have vowed never to torture others.

Fortunately, you have a choice. You don't have to be disappointed and angry. If you try, you can again become relaxed and confident - and therefore attractive to others. Honestly.

Albert invited Laura, a woman in her late forties, to dinner. Until now he really liked her, but as soon as they arrived at the restaurant - the waiter barely had time to put a glass of water in front of them - she burst out with the following speech: “Listen. I am thirty seven years old. I want to start a family. I don't have time to beat around the bush. If you want something else, let's break up right now."

Albert was stunned; he was silent. In fact, he wanted the same thing. But he didn’t like Laura’s approach, and he decided that he didn’t want to start a family with her.

For successful dating, you need to master a special art: not to create the impression that you are feverishly looking for a companion for life. Of course, if such an opportunity actually presents itself to you, don’t miss it. But if this does not happen by next Wednesday, it is too early to suffer from your own inferiority.

Desperation brings with it other troubles, the most obvious of which is the danger of attracting those who can use your despair for their own purposes. You may not notice this right away: when you are immersed in hopelessness, your perception is not always clear. But such predators are nearby and watch over their innocent victims so that they can look into their eyes with lust. Don't allow yourself to be used and your feelings abused.

Heads up!

People take themselves too seriously for another reason - they believe that what they experience has not been experienced by anyone else in the whole world; they are the only ones who have this kind of difficulty.

In fact, today millions of adults are single, and this figure will not change because it seems that all your friends are dating someone or are married.

Feeling like you're the only one in this situation and actually being the only one are two different things. Don't blame everything on circumstances. Be objective. Use your opportunities. Don't despair!

Finally, remember that you can avoid becoming too serious by approaching situations with humor: a healthy sense of humor accompanies (and enhances) self-confidence. Think of someone you know who can laugh at troubles just as cheerfully as at successes. Then remember the person who is afraid of everything. Which one is more pleasant to be around? Which one do you think is more attractive?

Have you ever caught yourself thinking that you are absolutely tired of taking everything seriously! Surely this feeling is familiar to you, it’s just that many people think that this is how you need to live - the more serious you are, the more they respect you! But, unfortunately, this attitude towards yourself and life is fundamentally wrong! As psychologists say, increased demands on oneself only lead to complexes that are very difficult to get rid of. This, of course, does not mean that you need to think only about yourself and ignore others. Just don't beat yourself up high requirements and please the whole world! How can you approach life more easily if you treat yourself with constant criticism and demands?

Life is a series of events independent of each other. And it is not necessary to prove the opposite every day by falling into depression and despondency.

Golden mean

It is very important in life to treat yourself with due respect and understanding. Yes, specifically to yourself, and not to others. The more you tend to worry and constantly find fault with your actions, do not appreciate small victories and constantly grumble about the bad state of affairs, the more difficult it is for you to exist in harmony with yourself! You constantly see mistakes and are incredibly worried about them, believing yourself and a failed personality. You drive yourself into depression, not seeing a way to change and fix anything. But in reality everything can be completely different! It is your attitude towards the world that makes you more demanding and self-obsessed. But this does not mean that you need to become completely indifferent and go with the flow.

You need to find a middle ground: you live and perceive everything that happens much simpler! You are not God or a king to control everything and change the whole world! Learn to coexist harmoniously with an imperfect world; sometimes it may be easier to adapt and not scold yourself for all the problems. Psychologists say that the “excellent student” complex makes a person absolutely unhappy - a person is used to being the first everywhere, and tries to involve everyone around him in his “faith.” But in the end, even reaching heights, he sees the imperfection of the world and suffers from it!

Allow yourself to become simpler and freer - as soon as you understand that you do not have to see only perfection in everything, you will gain incredible ease and freedom of choice. Don’t invent problems that don’t exist - if your husband is delayed by 15 minutes, it’s not necessarily that he was hit by a bus, maybe he just started talking to his colleagues or was late for the minibus! Don't chase the ideal, it simply doesn't exist! So is it worth spending your life soul-searching and searching for personal flaws?

Freedom of choice is the main gift to a person, so why waste such a gift and choose an eternal struggle with yourself.

Reducing the importance

How to approach life easier? Very often a person “flounders” in his failures precisely because he takes them too seriously. It is necessary to clearly set priorities: how can you be upset about a bad hairstyle when, for example, you have a wonderful loved one? Is this really worth your attention? Think about the fact that people get sick and even die, and you suffer because of bad pancakes for breakfast. People simply do not understand that by wasting themselves on all sorts of little things, they are really missing out on something important. Psychologists recommend clearly stating what worries you most in this life.

Write directly point by point: for example, family, health, work or something else. Now think about how your constant state of stress over little things affects these aspects of your life. You yourself are stealing energy from yourself, and there simply won’t be any left for more important things! Try to imagine or even draw a big road, on which draw the most important things in order of importance (distance the little things from yourself). And you will immediately see the real state of things, and as soon as you want to get depressed because of an unsuccessfully purchased dress, take your drawing and remember what is dear to you.

Many people believe that taking life too seriously is inherent in their character - but this is a misconception. This stereotype is formed throughout life and gets worse over the years. Therefore, it is necessary to change your attitude to everything that is happening as quickly as possible. Hysterics, breakdowns, uncontrollable anger - all these are manifestations of taking life too seriously! Remember, the more important the problem seems to you, the longer you will not be able to find a way out of it. Try to abstract yourself and look at it from the outside. Maybe everything is not so bad, but a way out will be found, sooner or later!

Your own line

Although our life is full of problems and unpleasant situations, it is very important to have your own line and stick to it in any situation. What does this mean? Even every negative event will not necessarily lead to a hopeless situation; you must be able to adapt to the flow of life. No one is asking you to just accept it - allow yourself to be an ordinary person who knows how to accept and overcome difficulties. Well, you didn’t achieve what you wanted today, but completely different opportunities may open up before you!

No suitable job, maybe you should try doing something diametrically opposite. After all, as we know, when one door closes, another immediately opens. If you have no luck in your personal life yet, it doesn’t matter, maybe an absolutely amazing person awaits you in the future. It is important to really understand the existing problems, and not the situations you have imagined. You need to “bend your line”, while you yourself need to become more loyal and flexible! This will be difficult to do at first. Start with the little things: your job is not satisfying, change your attitude towards it! After all, this is not the main activity in life, switch to your family, devote time to your loved ones more time. This will bring you emotional release and... If you dream of traveling, but don’t have the funds, it’s okay, go to a neighboring city and just take a walk, admire the beauty and realize that you can entertain yourself in different ways.

Going with the flow does not mean wallowing in your failures. This is just a way to quickly reach new opportunities without breaking your neck!

Mistakes and mistakes are not a reason for self-flagellation

A person must understand that he has the right to make mistakes on the path of life! After all, we are not machines; we cannot predict everything. And while you punish yourself every time for mistakes, you will instill in yourself more and more new complexes. Well, you were mistaken and what, will the world collapse immediately? Of course not. You just need to understand and accept it, well, you didn’t manage to do 50 push-ups today, so what, this will never happen now? But people who are too strict about life will perceive this as a personal defeat. Don’t think that everyone around you is only watching your achievements; people only care about their lives. Therefore, it is stupid to prove something to others.

Try to relax and be loyal only to yourself, don’t constantly scold yourself for every little thing. Don’t ruin your life with non-existent obstacles and defeats. Change the stereotypes that were once instilled in you. Your mother taught you that you must be perfect, but you look at her life and analyze why they want something unrealistic from you. Maybe this is her complex, then you should absolutely consciously abandon such an idea. Love yourself and listen to your inner voice and then you will find harmony and understanding of life!

1) The 80-20 rule or Pareto principle is that 80% of all income generated comes from just 20% of your activities. From this we can conclude that much of what we do does not actually generate income and is therefore not necessary.

2) Parkinson's rule is that you can do things much faster than you think. Thus, the more time you give yourself to do something, the more time you will end up spending.

3) Group operation is a method of completing boring and monotonous tasks as quickly as possible. To do this, you just need to do the whole set one after another.

4) Give first, then receive. Life is not like a restaurant where you pay for the food only after you have received it. In life, to achieve something you must first “pay” for it. Moreover, over time, you will still receive more than you gave.

5) Don’t slow down - get ahead of events - this way, firstly, you will get rid of expectations, and secondly, it will give you pleasure, because you will feel that you have the power to manage your life.

6) Mistakes and failures are good - thanks to mistakes, you gain experience, learn a lot of new things and learn to avoid making such mistakes in the future. With the right attitude, mistakes can teach you to be successful person. They allow you to gain invaluable experience, learn a lot of interesting things and become successful, since success in life often comes only if you do not succumb to failures and mistakes. He comes only to the persistent.

7) Don't be too hard on yourself - you'll get more upset and waste too much time.

8) Create good contact- you need to treat every meeting as if it were your best friends. And you start communicating with just such an attitude, instead of being nervous all the time.

9) Use the Reticular Activating System (RAS). The RAS is a focusing system, to use it you need to focus on what you want and maintain your attention.
This focusing system, the RAS, is located in the brain. To use it, you need to really focus on what you want and constantly maintain your attention (for example, a piece of paper on which you can write something from this post, like “Give First” or “Contact ").

10) Your attitude determines reality - Most pessimists consider themselves realists. However, in
In fact, the reason that things happen to these people that they don’t want is because of themselves. Their RAS is constantly tuned to perceive the negativity that they want to see. That is why they find confirmation of their pessimistic ideas. In any case, being an optimist is much better than being a realist. Think about it.
Pessimism can hide behind a mask of realism. But this is because your RAS is tuned to perceive the negativity that you want to see. This is why you are “right” every time. On the other hand, it may be better not to be right in such situations.
If you try to radically change your attitude, instead of just considering the possibility, you will be pleasantly surprised

11) To feel happy, be grateful. The fact is that in just a few minutes, being grateful can turn a bad mood into a good one. In this regard, it will be useful for every person to practice being grateful. This remedy will also help you maintain a positive attitude towards the world around you and is thus directly related to the previous point. If someone had told me that feeling grateful for just a minute or two is a great way to turn a bad mood into a good one, I would seriously practice being grateful. It is also a great way to maintain a positive attitude and focus on your surroundings. for the right purposes. And also to make others happy. Which in turn will make you even happier - emotions are contagious.

12) Never compare yourself to others. First of all, by allowing others to control you, you are losing freedom because you are allowing to the outside world control your sense of self. Secondly, this is not effective: there will always be people worse and better than you, it turns out that your self-esteem depends on the company you find yourself in. It is much more effective to compare yourself to yourself. This way you will always be sure that you are improving.
If you compare yourself to others, you allow the outside world to control your sense of self. Mood swings are guaranteed for you.
To see how much you have progressed, what goals you have achieved and how you have grown. It may not sound all that great, but in the end it will bring inner peace, strengthen your willpower, and fill you with positive emotions.

13) 80 to 90% of what you fear will never happen. In fact, our fears are greatly exaggerated.
These are just monsters that exist only in your head. And if this does happen, then most often everything is not as terrible as you expected. Worrying in most cases is just a waste of time.

14) Don't take yourself too seriously. After some time, you won’t even remember those problems that may seem very serious now.
What seems like a big problem today, you may not even remember three years from now. Taking yourself, your thoughts and emotions too seriously will only bring unnecessary suffering. So chill out and relax. Your mood will change miraculously.

1. Let go of people and situations.
Don't scroll possible options events. It happened as it happened. When it's hard to let go, ask two questions:
“Will this be important to me in 5 years?”
“Tonight I’m flying to Buenos Aires (any place you really want to visit), will I take this problem with me?”

2. At the end of each week, answer the following questions:
“What did I learn last week?”
“Biggest accomplishment of the week?”
“What was your most memorable moment this week and why?”
“Have I wasted my time on something? If yes, then for what?

3. Watch your appearance.
Always be prepared for new achievements and unexpected encounters.
"Hello! I can’t wrap my head around it... I’ve dreamed of meeting you all my life! Uh... Just excuse me, I don’t look very good today... I’m tired, you know...”

4. Don't whine or complain about fate.
Silently get up, go and do whatever needs to be done.

5. Travel! Twice a year, go somewhere you've never been. Traveling will help you find yourself.

6. Allow yourself to make mistakes.
If you missed something, don't miss the lesson from it. A mistake is a great opportunity for development.

7. Develop individuality.
You are who you are. You are not competing with anyone but yourself.

8. Make your own decisions.
Don't cook according to other people's recipes.

9. Don't be intrusive.
The world is huge - there is definitely someone in it who will be happy receiving your look and smile.

10. Meditate every day.
Learn to relax and concentrate.

11. Smile if something doesn't work out as you planned.
Remember, not getting what you want is sometimes luck.

12. Learn to say “NO.”
Don't be afraid to refuse!
- Would you like to make a courtesy call? No?
- No!

13. Evaluate every word spoken for truthfulness, usefulness and kindness. Speak to the point, nothing superfluous. NO to gossip, lies and complaints! It's better to remain silent if you have nothing to say.

15. If you happen to get very angry with someone, wait 24 hours before responding.

16. Be independent and self-sufficient.
Your happiness depends only on you, and not on how other people think and act.

17. Respect yourself and others.
A person chooses for himself. Don't interfere in matters that don't concern you. Don’t look into someone else’s life with thoughts and words - don’t lose sight of Your choice!

18. Act exclusively within your own sphere of influence.
Don't worry about what you can't control.

19. Be outdoors every day.
Regardless of the weather and mood.

20. Believe in dreams and ideas.
Time is not linear. They have already come true!

21. Develop talents.
Remember, you have them! Just open your eyes.

22. Be responsible for your words and actions.
Your words have great power.

23. Be faithful. People, principles and choice.
“Being faithful is not an innate quality. This is the solution!

24. If there is a task that will take less than 3 minutes to complete, it should be completed immediately.
Don't put it in a drawer for too long. Nothing has been placed there for a long time.

25. Watch your health.
It is one. Achievements are ahead of you - you will need health to realize them. Sports, yoga, meditation will help. Check it out!

26. Find inner peace and harmony.
The true strength of a person is manifested not in impulses, but in calmness.

27. Accept the fact that the past is in the past.
It doesn't exist! Learn from the experience, let go and move on.

28. Set priorities.
Everything has its place.

29. Conquer your fears.
Fear is just an illusion.

30. Never give up!
Perseverance and perseverance are always rewarded.

Arranging your personal life, meeting new people, making acquaintances and being liked - all this, presumably, gives you pleasure. And if not, you would need to understand why this happens and change the situation for the better. We don't mean to say that if you happen to be in a bad mood, there's something wrong with you. After all, you are human, and people get into trouble from time to time. In addition, by following our advice, you often expose yourself to some risk, and sometimes this risk is not justified.

Checking to see if you're too serious

Please indicate whether you agree or disagree with each item:
I can't stand my own laughter: it makes me look undignified.
Not really

I don't go to the beach because I'm embarrassed about how I look in a swimsuit.
Not really

I will never ask anyone out until I know for sure that I can marry this person.
Not really

I don't like to change my plans or decide anything at the last minute because I try to be a disciplined person and lead an orderly life.
Not really

"I'm a forty-year-old woman and I want to have a family. I can't waste my time."

“My former girlfriend put me through a meat grinder, so next time I’ll try to choose my friends more carefully.”

"I work two jobs - I don't have time to beat around the bush. If we don't get along right now, we'll have to forget about this person."

Remember the times when your closeness with your loved one made you so damn confident that you had no problem communicating with different people - people with whom, under different circumstances, you might have developed a more than platonic relationship. Almost everyone has experienced this. Do you know why? Yes, because when you radiate contentment with yourself, others like it too. It's interesting to talk to you. Your gait becomes free and relaxed. You become a confident, balanced, easy-to-communicate person.

Fortunately, you have a choice. You don't have to be disappointed and angry. If you try, you can again become relaxed and confident - and therefore attractive to others. Honestly.

Albert invited Laura, a woman in her late forties, to dinner. Until now, he really liked her, but as soon as they arrived at the restaurant - the waiter barely had time to put a glass of water in front of them - she burst out with the following speech: “Listen. I’m thirty-seven years old. I want to start a family. Time for that.” I don’t have to beat around the bush. If you want something else, let’s break up right now.” Albert was stunned; he was silent. In fact, he wanted the same thing. But he didn’t like Laura’s approach, and he decided that he didn’t want to start a family with her.

For successful dating, you need to master a special art: not to create the impression that you are feverishly looking for a companion for life. Of course, if such an opportunity actually presents itself to you, do not miss it. But if this does not happen by next Wednesday, it is too early to suffer from your own inferiority.

Heads up!

In fact, today millions of adults are single, and this figure will not change because it seems that all your friends are dating someone or are married.